then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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