Where is the hickey?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
