I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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