don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
