Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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