dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
