oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
