You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
