It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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