it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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