Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
