He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize