I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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