His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
