I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
