guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I am morally bankrupt
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Houston, we have a blender
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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