Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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