I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
