I think my vagina is haunted
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
