u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
