absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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