yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
