I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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