I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
