Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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