woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize