So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
