using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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