we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize