His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
