so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
