you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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