I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
