when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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