Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
