I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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