I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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