I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
