He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
