so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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