hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize