Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
