NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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