Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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