woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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