I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
