and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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