There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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