Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
