Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have demons in me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's the barista slut.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
