Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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