Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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