we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
