there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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