Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
