what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
zippers are such a cool invention
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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