I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
did i just pee glitter
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
