this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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