I bet he comes in French.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
