I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
