I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
