woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize