Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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