508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
