I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
