he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
