its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
