dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
