I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize