They should really pass out barf bags in church
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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