If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
