He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
