wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
