I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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