i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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