I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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