so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
