Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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