you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize