And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
