happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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