You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
