if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
