I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
